One of the many reasons I love him.
And I admire him, he makes my heart swell.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
it's from the drinks we drank last night
Yesterday after work I started getting some of my care package things together... The chic at the store asked what I was doing with all those loofah sponges... so I told her. I don't like all the attention... for example... "oh that's so nice," or whatever. And I'm sewing small travel pillows that the soldiers can take with them in their packs, so I was using my mom's sewing machine (I need to buy one), and all my brothers (I have 4 but only 3 were there) came up and asked what I was doing and my dad did too. Anyway, I just don't want the attention. AND I'm not writing this for you to say, "aww... isn't she sweet!"
I'm not sweet.
I hate that. I just like writing what's going on in my head. And I need to feel useful in my life as it seems lately I've devoted myself to the occupation of drinking, or, as my mother says, "pursuing sins of the flesh."
The one pillow that I did make turned out well. More to come. It's pretty simple, but I want to embroider some of them. I don't want them to be too frou-frou though, so we'll see.
I then went to one of my best friend's house to hang out with her fam and her new boy. We were all standing around the kitchen and then she brings up how very wasted I was on Wednesday night in front of her mother and 14 year old brother. I don't usually get so drunk that I can't remember things that happened, this was the second time in my life, and apparently some of the things done that evening were about the least classy of my lifetime. I was so embarrassed and then on attention overload, so I started crying. I mean, I walked away, and it was only a few tears, which is much better than I did when I was 3 and had too much attention and hid behind my mother and bawled my eyes out.
I've improved in the last 21 years.
I'm not sweet.
I hate that. I just like writing what's going on in my head. And I need to feel useful in my life as it seems lately I've devoted myself to the occupation of drinking, or, as my mother says, "pursuing sins of the flesh."
The one pillow that I did make turned out well. More to come. It's pretty simple, but I want to embroider some of them. I don't want them to be too frou-frou though, so we'll see.
I then went to one of my best friend's house to hang out with her fam and her new boy. We were all standing around the kitchen and then she brings up how very wasted I was on Wednesday night in front of her mother and 14 year old brother. I don't usually get so drunk that I can't remember things that happened, this was the second time in my life, and apparently some of the things done that evening were about the least classy of my lifetime. I was so embarrassed and then on attention overload, so I started crying. I mean, I walked away, and it was only a few tears, which is much better than I did when I was 3 and had too much attention and hid behind my mother and bawled my eyes out.
I've improved in the last 21 years.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Today I will be Happier than a Bird with a French Fry
Long ago and far away... I had a boyfriend, who was in Iraq. And it was my thrill and joy in life to send him care packages and letters and cards, just for no reason whatsoever.
So today, I found myself missing that. He got home safely, thanks be to God, and we broke up even before he got home safely. I tend to be self-involved... and occasionally selfish, as my mother reminds me of on a regular basis. But I still like doing things for others. Anyway, so I'm starting to get together care packages to send to random units, and it feels purposeful. Which makes today so much better than yesterday.
So today, I found myself missing that. He got home safely, thanks be to God, and we broke up even before he got home safely. I tend to be self-involved... and occasionally selfish, as my mother reminds me of on a regular basis. But I still like doing things for others. Anyway, so I'm starting to get together care packages to send to random units, and it feels purposeful. Which makes today so much better than yesterday.
Friday, April 11, 2008
ugghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my cries of frustration might sound like that if I could even begin to speak them...
This has been a super bad 48 hours, to which in response to the terrible 2-day span... I decided to start blogging? Because I thought someone else might care about me being frustrated? Well at least I care, and I write so much better than I speak... so maybe this is my cosmic cry of frustration to the universe... that last line sounds like a line from "You've Got Mail." I like to steal thoughts and ideas.
It's not really the past 48 hours that have been so bad, it's really been the last 2 years or so, but that big picture seems to be too much for me to handle, so instead I concentrate on the small everday things that go wrong, choose to stress incessantly about those things, and wait until all the bigger things build up so I at least have one nervous breakdown per quarter. It's an amazing life to be living.
So anyway... my sort of non-boyfriend and I broke up last night... of course there was nothing to break up, being as we said from the beginning that neither of us wanted a relationship... and both of us totally meant it, but I think we had different definitions of "non-relationship," being that if he wanted sex (um, and he did), that I required to hear from him more than once a week. Because I'm not into just sex... or friends with benefits... I'm not entirely sure what I am into, but I'll let you know when I figure that all out.
Well, so that's all over which actually was fine, I didn't want anything long term with him, but it still sucks to feel used... I mean seriously, no one wants to feel like that. And no one wants to be cussed out because you were just trying to say, that at 25 years old, if you say you're going to do something, do it, and if you're not going to do it, make a phone call. That's all.
Also - we put my dog to sleep today... she was part Chow-Chow and part Samoyed, so a good size, and she was 15 years old. A good long life. But a part of my life since I was 10. That hurts my heart.
All of this, which is small I suppose... but I live in Alabama. And that is so no offense to anyone who resides in the great state of Alabama, but it is just so not for me. I might be frustrated later and feel like explaining why I live here. But today isn't that day. I'm from Kentucky... oh God's land of promise... actually I love KY, but I really am more into the city... versus the country, and maybe I'm a northerner at heart... I honestly can't figure it all out. There are people and places I like down here... but I don't fit in. And I can't say that I've ever felt like I totally fit in anywhere. But not here. I think I'm okay with that. But I must get out soon.
This has been a super bad 48 hours, to which in response to the terrible 2-day span... I decided to start blogging? Because I thought someone else might care about me being frustrated? Well at least I care, and I write so much better than I speak... so maybe this is my cosmic cry of frustration to the universe... that last line sounds like a line from "You've Got Mail." I like to steal thoughts and ideas.
It's not really the past 48 hours that have been so bad, it's really been the last 2 years or so, but that big picture seems to be too much for me to handle, so instead I concentrate on the small everday things that go wrong, choose to stress incessantly about those things, and wait until all the bigger things build up so I at least have one nervous breakdown per quarter. It's an amazing life to be living.
So anyway... my sort of non-boyfriend and I broke up last night... of course there was nothing to break up, being as we said from the beginning that neither of us wanted a relationship... and both of us totally meant it, but I think we had different definitions of "non-relationship," being that if he wanted sex (um, and he did), that I required to hear from him more than once a week. Because I'm not into just sex... or friends with benefits... I'm not entirely sure what I am into, but I'll let you know when I figure that all out.
Well, so that's all over which actually was fine, I didn't want anything long term with him, but it still sucks to feel used... I mean seriously, no one wants to feel like that. And no one wants to be cussed out because you were just trying to say, that at 25 years old, if you say you're going to do something, do it, and if you're not going to do it, make a phone call. That's all.
Also - we put my dog to sleep today... she was part Chow-Chow and part Samoyed, so a good size, and she was 15 years old. A good long life. But a part of my life since I was 10. That hurts my heart.
All of this, which is small I suppose... but I live in Alabama. And that is so no offense to anyone who resides in the great state of Alabama, but it is just so not for me. I might be frustrated later and feel like explaining why I live here. But today isn't that day. I'm from Kentucky... oh God's land of promise... actually I love KY, but I really am more into the city... versus the country, and maybe I'm a northerner at heart... I honestly can't figure it all out. There are people and places I like down here... but I don't fit in. And I can't say that I've ever felt like I totally fit in anywhere. But not here. I think I'm okay with that. But I must get out soon.
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