ugghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my cries of frustration might sound like that if I could even begin to speak them...

This has been a super bad 48 hours, to which in response to the terrible 2-day span... I decided to start blogging? Because I thought someone else might care about me being frustrated? Well at least I care, and I write so much better than I speak... so maybe this is my cosmic cry of frustration to the universe... that last line sounds like a line from "You've Got Mail." I like to steal thoughts and ideas.

It's not really the past 48 hours that have been so bad, it's really been the last 2 years or so, but that big picture seems to be too much for me to handle, so instead I concentrate on the small everday things that go wrong, choose to stress incessantly about those things, and wait until all the bigger things build up so I at least have one nervous breakdown per quarter. It's an amazing life to be living.

So anyway... my sort of non-boyfriend and I broke up last night... of course there was nothing to break up, being as we said from the beginning that neither of us wanted a relationship... and both of us totally meant it, but I think we had different definitions of "non-relationship," being that if he wanted sex (um, and he did), that I required to hear from him more than once a week. Because I'm not into just sex... or friends with benefits... I'm not entirely sure what I am into, but I'll let you know when I figure that all out.

Well, so that's all over which actually was fine, I didn't want anything long term with him, but it still sucks to feel used... I mean seriously, no one wants to feel like that. And no one wants to be cussed out because you were just trying to say, that at 25 years old, if you say you're going to do something, do it, and if you're not going to do it, make a phone call. That's all.

Also - we put my dog to sleep today... she was part Chow-Chow and part Samoyed, so a good size, and she was 15 years old. A good long life. But a part of my life since I was 10. That hurts my heart.

All of this, which is small I suppose... but I live in Alabama. And that is so no offense to anyone who resides in the great state of Alabama, but it is just so not for me. I might be frustrated later and feel like explaining why I live here. But today isn't that day. I'm from Kentucky... oh God's land of promise... actually I love KY, but I really am more into the city... versus the country, and maybe I'm a northerner at heart... I honestly can't figure it all out. There are people and places I like down here... but I don't fit in. And I can't say that I've ever felt like I totally fit in anywhere. But not here. I think I'm okay with that. But I must get out soon.